Two steps forward one step back

So, as all of you know a couple of months back I got a diagnosis. Still to this day I can hardly believe I have a diagnosis. 

Since my diagnosis I have completed two rounds of treatment. The first round was horrific- I hardly left my bed for the full month. I was throwing up constantly and my pain was elevated to a level indescribable. I struggled once I finished the first round to start the second round of treatment, as to everyday medicate yourself that makes you feel so unwell was really hard.

After treatment finished I started to have days without any pain, I was in disbelief. I hardly told anyone except my closest family and friends, the reason being many times in the past I thought I was getting better only to get pain back and to be feeling sick once again. I went 2 months with no pain - still exhaustion but I felt as if my dream had come true.  

In the last three weeks I felt pain again, and flare ups of pain just like I used to.  I was in denial. Thinking maybe it would go away. On Monday I went back to my Doctor as I was concerned as my flare ups were continuing to get worse. I have been told I need two more rounds of treatment. . I have started the first round and should finish my second round of treatment in mid January. The biggest downside of doing treatment is that I will be on my second round of treatment whilst in America with the family .  We are hoping that these next two rounds are not as challenging.

I forgot how mentally challenging dealing with this has been. I forgot how draining doctors appointments are and the aftermath of them; many, many tears.  I forgot so quickly just how bad my pain was and how I dismissed it as 'my normal' I constantly reflect on these past 6 years, particularly 2017. This year was the worst it has ever been, while also the best. I am constantly grateful that I never gave up because if I had, I would never have gotten the answer and to never would have felt well. 

Two months of treatment lies ahead of me, and I look forward to coming out the other side smiling and hopefully pain free again.